I grew up in a non-Christian family and moved to the US at the age of 14 while my family remained in Singapore. As a curious teenager with unlimited access to the Internet without the ‘parental control filter’, it was not long before I got hooked on pornography and embraced the ‘freedom to love’ (LGBT) notion. Then at the age of 21, I fell in love with a friend (female and a Christian) and I returned to Singapore to pursue the relationship. But one day, this friend said to me, “I’m sorry. I love you but I love God. I cannot walk down this path with you.” When I asked her why, her simple answer was, “The Bible says it’s wrong.”
Thus began my quest to disprove the Bible in my attempt to win her back. But after a 2-year quest, I failed and was ‘forced’ to accept Christianity because all historical and empirical evidence pointed to Jesus as the true and living God. Hence when I first became a Christian in 2006, I was very angry. I hated having God as a higher authority telling me what I can or cannot do or who I can or cannot love. I began to rebel against God and fell deeper into sin and bondage.
In 2013, I reached an all-time low and was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and Clinical Depression. I had become reliant on sleeping pills and was also suicidal. But God kept preserving my life and one day, I was so tired of living that I said these words to Him, “God, I give up. I’m done with this life! I don’t want it. Take it! Do what you want with it.” I know it’s not exactly a model prayer but that was the first time I said something to God that I meant wholeheartedly. These words became the defining moment that marked the beginning of an amazing journey of transformation.
As I surrendered myself to God, He began to repair my life and led me through a miraculous journey of deliverance where He healed my mental illnesses. I have been medication-free for 22 months now. When I received my healing, I fell onto my knees and declared, “Thank you Lord. I want to tell the whole world about You.” These words stirred up something in my heart!
I used to be extremely shy and introverted – speaking only when spoken to and petrified of public speaking. But after declaring those words, it was like God gave my heart a new desire. I was filled with the longing to tell everyone I met all about what Jesus has done for me. I also began to have aspirations to be an evangelistic speaker for God! Today, I’m so privileged to receive invitations to share my testimony all around Singapore. I am in awe of how God has chosen to use a once broken and suicidal Christian to be His channel of blessing to speak hope, encouragement and life to others.
I also used to hate reading and writing as I struggled with English as a language – scoring the lowest in standard for English Literature in Secondary 2 and re-taking the entrance exam into US universities 3 times because I failed English the first 2 times. But after my declaration, God worked a miracle in me. I have read more books in the past 18 months than in my 30 years of life (including my school textbooks). I even wrote my first book – a 240-pg book – called “Chai”, which means ‘new life’ in Hebrew and it is my testimony of all that Jesus has done for me.
Jesus didn’t stop at healing my mental illness and giving me a new heart with new desires. He also set me free me from the prison of sexual immorality. Almost 20 years of bondage to sexual sins broken in an instant! It’s been 22 months and I have been free from pornography and have turned away from same-sex desires. I realized I had been searching for love and intimacy in all the wrong places! I have completely lost my sexual appetite for the unclean because my heart had received the pure and perfect love of Jesus.
I used to suffer from a chronic and incurable illness called ‘Crohn’s Disease’ – an autoimmune disease that caused inflammation and infection to my digestive system, causing me to be bloated and have diarrhea during or after every meal. I also used to live on daily anti-histamines because I was allergic to all kinds of things – from animals to insect bites to pollen to certain foods and even fruits, especially kiwis. But Jesus healed all my diseases and allergies. Today, I eat kiwis almost every day now!
Because I had personally received complete healing, I began to believe that Jesus desires to heal not just me but everyone! Over time, my whole being burned with the passion to be sent by Jesus as He had sent His disciples – “And He sent them to preach the kingdom of God, and to heal the sick.” (Luke 9:2 KJV)
Months later, God sent me to Brazil for my first healing missions trip where I was part of a team ministering God’s supernatural power to heal the sick as the leader of our team preached the Kingdom of God. My heart was filled with inexpressible joy as I watched people give their lives to Jesus and as I witnessed miraculous healings – “the blind see, the deaf hear and the lame walk”.
God has lifted me out of the place of darkness and despair and radically changed my life! Today, my “mess” has become His “message”! Jesus is the reason I am alive today and He has become my reason for living. I now live to proclaim victory in Him and share His message of hope with the world. The place of my greatest fall has become the place of my greatest call. Praise God!