Ezekiel 37:10 KJV ” So I prophesied as He commanded me, and the breath came into them (the bones),
and they lived, and stood up upon their feet, an exceeding great army.”
Psalms 113:10 KJV “He raiseth the poor out of the dust and lifteth the needy out of the dunghill”
I was born into a broken family. There were always ongoing quarrels and violent fights and my parents eventually divorced when I was about 19. Since birth, I was taken care of by different people as my mother was afraid that I might be affected by all the issues at home. However, because of the constant change of caretakers, I always lived in fear. Constantly living in an unknown environment, not knowing if my mother would return or where I would be brought to next, turned me into a very insecure person.
I was timid and quiet. I did not dare to move around and had an immense fear of people. I did not dare to eat in crowds or go to the toilet and or be alone in a room, especially with the door closed. I became highly sensitive to noises. I was disturbed by evil spirits –I saw them, and sometimes could hear, feel, or even touch them. Clothes, shadows, floor patterns or even just a turning fan could scare me as I would see them transform into a human form with eyes staring at me eerily.
If I was alone at home, I would quickly turn on all lights; all doors and windows had to be opened wide and I would jump onto the sofa to warily observe the surroundings, not daring to do anything else until my mum came home. I also had difficulty studying and registering things in my mind. Before long, I started washing my hands repeatedly and kept checking things repeatedly.
In addition, because of my family’s issues, I had received verbal, emotional and other kinds of abuse. I hated men and eventually all mankind, and hated myself to the extent of self-abuse. I often felt ill and giddy, fainting for no reason. Doctors could not diagnose my condition. My mum would go to mediums and ask idols for help, but to no avail.
Then, when I was about 10, my sister passed me a children’s Christian worship cassette. I felt peace listening to it, and that was also the first time I could be alone in a room. When I was 16, my sister introduced Jesus to me. Things got a bit better because I no longer saw horrifying images or illusions, there were no more evil spirits disturbing me, and my health got better.
However, during that time, even though I had accepted Jesus as my Lord,my growing process with God was tough. This was because I was always held back by my past. My relationship with my parents affected my relationship with God. I didn’t understand the Father’s heart of God or God’s love, and so I couldn’t tell God that I loved Him. I also had perpetual thoughts of condemnation, rejection, accusation, shame, and guilt, and had a hard time understanding God’s Word.
Eventually, I attempted suicide at the age of 22 and was then diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I took strong medication to suppress my thoughts but that retarded my mind. My mind would go blank sometimes and I could not remember things clearly. I started losing the will to live.
But I thank God that 7 years ago, I met my mentor who encouraged me with Bible verses about the Father Heart of God and my Christian identity in Him and I learned that I have already been given authority in Christ. God began to heal, restore, strengthen, mould and equip me. I realised that the more I understand God’s Word, BELIEVE and ACT upon it, the more I am able to face challenges for it is God who strengthens me! His Word has power and His Word is medicine.
With the help of my mentor, I also slowly understood God’s love. For I knew no one could help me, not even my family. Only the love and wisdom of God could help me. He was transforming me. I began to forgive my father and attended his wedding. I also shared Jesus with him and his wife, and they have started to pray to God since then. I also reconciled with my mother and brought her to Christ. We grew closer and my mum even told me recently that she finds comfort in me.
I now no longer have suicidal thoughts, see illusions, or suffer from OCD. I no longer practise self-harm, harbour irrational fears, or harbour hatred towards men. I no longer feel faint or experience harassment from the evil one. I have a clearer mindset and am emotionally stable. I am more merciful to myself and others, experience more joy, and am more confident in God and myself.
I have totally stopped taking any kind of medicine. I only rely on God. Whenever I am sick or things happen to me, I go to God directly and fully utilise the authority He has already given me. I utilise His powerful Name to command, cast, bind, break, and release whenever necessary.
Everyone who knew me before sees the change in me. From not being able to laugh, I can now laugh freely; from not being able to say “hi” to people, I can now even take the initiative to talk to strangers. From not being able to hug nor receive hugs from people, I am now able to take the initiative to hug someone out of love. The best part is, I can now say “I love you, Father God”. He has set me free!
STANDING ON HIS PROMISES
In TLBS, God has kept confirming what I had been learning the past 7 years, through topics like the Father Heart of God and The Spiritual Believer. He is refreshing and reminding me of what I had learned before and encouraging me to continue practicing it. I realise that He was equipping me then, and is still equipping me now. I am also planning to compile my drawings into a picture book.
These art-pieces were inspired through my experiences with God. The devil manipulated my mind to scare and bind me, but God turned it all around for His glory!
All I can say is that Jesus transformed my life and turned it around. Without God, it would have been impossible for me to overcome all these problems. That doesn’t mean I never fail and get discouraged at times. I still do! But I choose to stand on His Word and trust Him no matter what. Despite experiencing fear, I carry on walking out of my comfort zone to take the ‘promised land’ that God has already given to me.
It’s all about God, not about me. It is not what I can do, but what God can do. All glory to Him!